No Time for Good-bye

I can't tell you how many times I've started this blog post or how often I've refused to write anything else until I finished this one.  I've been plotting it out since May 2013.  It's why I haven't posted anything since last March.  The thing that's been tripping me up is that this blog post is supposed to be a eulogy.  When you really get down to it, a eulogy is a good-bye.  And I think the reason I can't write it is that I'm not ready to say good-bye at all.

Becky Braun has always been the kind of friend you can count on and the support that my family has needed.  For those selfish reasons, I'm not willing to let her go just yet.  It wasn't clear to me why I wasn't writing until until this fall when my cousin dropped off her father's camera for me.  My uncle, Denny Olszewski passed away several years ago, but it wasn't until I had his camera in my hands that I realized I hadn't ever been ready to tell him good-bye either.  I didn't do it then, and I won't now.

Maybe I'm greedy or unwilling to accept the fragile nature of our social bonds and our human bodies.  Death may be an inevitable part of the human experience, but I find myself unwilling to acknowledge it here.  It's not as though I'm in denial, I just don't particularly want to stare it in the face or acknowledge that there are those who will not return to me.  It makes me sad.

I still want very badly to sing the praises of someone who was funny and kind and intensely intelligent.  I should say as much about my uncle and the endless jokes and stories he could tell.  Unfortunately, this is as close as I can bring myself.  Perhaps you understand.  Maybe you've been there too.  I just need to say what I can to allow myself to move on with my thoughts and say other things with this blog, rather than be locked in a moment that I simply cannot fully express.